I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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