guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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