I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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