My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize