Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
