I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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