I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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