i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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