you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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