You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
