A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize