one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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