Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
