She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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