Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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