haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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