Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
