I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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