I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
