maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
