she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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