I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
