after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize