She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
