He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
