I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
