She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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