just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
