i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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