I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
