Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
thus making me awesome and them whores
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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