I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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