I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
