I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
