She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
