1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
