You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
