I just cut my nipple shaving
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
