I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your cock deserves a montage
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize