I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
