How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
