If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Randomize
