meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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