Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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