I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
