I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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