True but thats because hes a fetus.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
