Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
