apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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