someone owes me an orgasm
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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