i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
