On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
