my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
