i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
