Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've blown a few things in my day
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
