the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize