Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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