You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
