dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
PANTIES FOUND
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