how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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