Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
