before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
