Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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