Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
