Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
