Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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